By Jenny Reynolds, MSW, LCSW, CMC
Joining a loved one at a doctor’s appointment can feel tricky. You want to help without taking over. Here are five things not to do so your loved one stays at the center of the conversation.
Top 5 Things NOT to do when Advocating for a Loved One at a Doctor’s Appointment
1. DO NOT be the first person to ask the doctor all the questions.
Taking over the appointment immediately with your questions may devalue your loved one and help them to feel “like an invalid”, as one of my clients might say. INSTEAD, let your loved one ask their questions and discuss the most recent health topics with the medical provider first, and then add in your questions carefully or at the end.
2. DO NOT sit in the first seat closest to the doctor.
Since you are not the patient, allow your loved one to sit closest to the doctor. You may be an (important) bystander, but you need to literally “take a back seat” in the exam room.
3. DO NOT keep your loved one in the dark before the appointment.
Make sure to take some time before the appointment to discuss with your loved one what they want to cover at this appointment, any questions that they might have, and any health matters causing them to worry. This helps you work together as a team to make sure that everything is covered, and you are on the same page when it comes to matters to address during the medical appointment.
4. DO NOT forget to bring a list of medications and a list of questions that you have about the appointment.
This is part of your job as the advocate for the appointment (unless, of course, your loved one wants to do this, and then you can bring a backup copy).
5. DO NOT close off communication with the doctor after the visit.
Make sure to have your loved one sign a “Release of Information form” while at the doctor’s office. Help them to fill it out (these documents can look complicated and need to be carefully read) to make sure that you list yourself as a person that the doctor can communicate with about your loved one’s healthcare. This generally needs to be updated one time per year unless it is noted to last until the end of the patient’s life.
Another way to advocate for your loved one at a doctors appointment is to work with an Aging Life Care Manager, who can help guide these conversations and ensure your loved one’s needs are prioritized. Aging Life Care Managers are professionals who specialize in coordinating care, communicating with healthcare providers, and advocating for older adults and their families. They can attend doctor appointments, help prepare questions, interpret medical information, and follow up on next steps, so every step of care is coordinated and followed through. With their expertise, you can feel confident that your loved one is receiving the best possible care while maintaining their dignity and independence.
Visit the Aging Life Care Association’s find an Aging Life Care Expert search feature to find a professional near you.
“At the end of the day, it’s about helping your loved one feel respected, heard, and supported in their care.”
Reprinted with permission by Graceful Guidance Care Management
About the Author:
Jenny Reynolds, MSW, LCSW, CMC is an Aging Life Care Manager. Her passion and goal in her social work career is to honor older adults as they age and support & guide them on the challenging walk through later life. Her specialty area is working with busy professionals who are caring for their aging loved ones who have dementia or other significant medical or mental health issues. She is owner of her own Aging Life Care management business called Graceful Guidance Care Management. She has 15-years of experience working with older adults, physicians, provider agencies, and families in the care management field. Jenny brings a positive and upbeat approach to her work and the clients that she serves.